On the burn rate of government

Some thoughts on jazz-hands politics

By Joel Deane

Consistency. It’s a word that means a lot to me, politically speaking.

Let me explain why.

In politics, there’s always a temptation to chase the ambulance. To come up with a grab on whatever story-of-the-day that excites the press gallery. To deliver that grab in such a sharp, smart way that your quote is used in print, on radio or, holy of holies, on the telly. And, in doing so consistently, become the kind of safe pair of hands that the producers of hot-air balloon programs on the SkyNews/The Drum/breakfast TV circuit can rely on.

The purpose of all this jazz hands politicking is to build a public profile and climb the greasy pole to the front bench or leadership or the Lodge (Kirribilli House if you’re a Lib).

Barnaby Joyce (before he became Barnaby Joyce) was good at jazz hands in a vaudevillian, W.C. Fields kind of way. So, too, was Kevin Rudd – a politician as relentless and inexhaustible in his quest for the yellow jersey as a domestique rider on the Tour de France. Speaking of spandex, don’t get me started on Tony Abbott.

But there’s a problem with this relentless, brainless pantomime of democracy. Sooner or later, you’re going to contradict or typecast yourself.

You’re going to contradict yourself because – in saying almost anything to anyone to get your head on the telly – you’ll have said stuff you don’t really believe, I guarantee it.

It’ll just be a little white lie. But sooner or later one of those little white lies will either trip you up when you want to criticise someone else for something or do something you really care about.

Or you might find your little sideshow has left you typecast.

That’s what’s happening with Peter Dutton right now.

Dutton’s a politician who, like Kevin Rudd, relentlessly played the political pantomime game – building a public persona and jazz handing his way into our hearts as a hard man of the political right.

Give Dutton his due, he’s been consistent up to now.

But so has Anthony Albanese.  

The difference is that Albanese’s act appears closer to the heart of the man – and more suited to the centre ground that a national leader must occupy.

Dutton’s public persona – according to his promoters, he’s really a lovely bloke in private – is more suited to a hatchet man or villain, making him a kind of post-modern Boris Karloff.

Can our own Mr Karloff go all Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and remake himself as Brad Pitt?

Maybe.

But it’s hard (very hard) to do from Opposition, when the media only want to talk to you about the Government – and therefore only run your negative comments.

My point? The road to political oblivion is paved with breakfast TV.